The MJ

Because I enjoy nothing more than to tear down others’ work (hence my appreciation for MST3K), I proudly present what I hope to be the first in a series of many entries about the movies that I can’t stand.  Enjoy.

(500) Days of Summer is by far the weakest entry to date of the “Twilight saga”, and to say…wait, I’m now being told that Summer isn’t a Twilight film.  Apparently, I’ve mistakenly assumed, based on Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s constant whimpering and Zooey Deschanel’s pale complexion, that Summer was a vampire fantasy flick aimed squarely at teenage girls and their borderline cougar mothers.  My bad.  Let’s try this again. 

If I had only one sentence to describe (500) Days of Summer, I’d tell you that at its essence, it’s a movie version of a Death Cab for Cutie album.  Yeah, I could say it’s hokey, it’s pointless, or just flat out poorly executed and contrived, but at its core, it’s pretentious (see the gratuitous parentheses in the title), it’s painfully white, and it desperately wants you to feel, and share in, its twentysomething pain.

I imagine that in more capable hands, this could have actually been a decent movie.  Maybe.  I mean, obviously, the story has been told before - boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl doesn’t like boy, girl likes boy but not like that, girl likes boy, then no one like each other - so at this point, unless you’re willing to go out on a limb and try something unconventional, you’re going to be stuck with a movie that’s already been made.  And to director Marc Webb’s credit, he tried to do that, but unfortunately, he failed miserably.  And honestly, I’m not all that surprised.  Looking over Mr. Webb’s filmography, it comes as no shock that his experience up to this point had been solely with music videos given that Summer had similar depth, maybe less.  If anyone remembers Weezer’s video for Buddy Holly (See it here), I think that it had a more engaging plot than “Summer” did.  Of course, my question is who decided to give a guy some money to make a film, when all he had previously directed were videos for standout performers such as the Backstreet Boys, O-Town, and Ashley Simpson?  Regardless, I don’t want to harp on his attempt to try something new, in fact it should be lauded, I’m only critical of the shoddy execution of the final product.

Summer opens with generic twenty-something honky Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) crying (a harbinger of more to come) over the break-up with his similarly white (ok, more Habsburg pale) and wacky free-spirited girlfriend, Summer.  With some ups and downs, that’s pretty much the template for the whole story - Tom’s bi-polar, unfunny channeling of a character Woody Allen played 30+ years ago is always over analyzing his Manic Pixie Dream Girl’s every word and move.  That Tom, what a card.  They have some good times together, but of course, over time Summer tires of Tom’s nervous antics and dumps his sorry gringo butt because he’s a downer, or something.  I’m not really sure, as I kind of zoned out during the middle of the movie because I stopped caring (more about that later).  Of course, here comes the big plot twist (big is a relative term) and spoiler: I guess at some point post break-up, Summer grew up, like hipsters always do, and she got herself betrothed (probably quit drinking PBR and bought a place in the ‘burbs, too).  Summer’s sudden shift in attitude and priorities is one of many plot holes I discovered (OK, I didn’t discover it, it beat me over the head), but the important thing is that the discovery that Summer is engaged clearly signals to the audience, in much the same way the combustion of hydrogen signaled that something was wrong with the Hindenburg, that Tom’s season with Summer (haha, get it, season?) is over. 

As many problems as I have with the plot of Summer, as well as Webb’s desperate attempt to go all “Pulp Fiction” on the narrative structure, my biggest criticism with the film lies in the characters themselves.  I simply don’t care about them.  Tom works a menial job (who doesn’t?) which has it’s ups and downs, but all things considered, it’s not that bad.  When I look at a character in a film and think that they have it better professionally than I do, I find it hard to sympathize with them.  Of course I feel the same way about the staff at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, so I may not have the most objective standard.  But regardless, Tom’s employer is definitely not like the oppressive environments portrayed in Brazil, Office Space, or Scott Adam’s hilarious article for the Wall Street Journal. In Adam’s article, I especially like this line:

“Our system requires a continuous supply of highly capable people who are so disgruntled with their jobs that they are willing to chew off their own arms to escape their bosses.”

My point is that Tom doesn’t seem like he’s ready to gnaw off his own arm to escape his job.  Yet, apparently, we’re supposed to buy that job of his IS that bad and that only through her own magical touch can Summer eventually drive to Tom to quit his job so that he may halfheartedly pursue his real passions.  So Tom’s a complete square, but at least Summer must be a heck of a gal, right?  Unfortunately for the viewer, the character of Summer is of similarly poor construction.  Admittedly, I don’t care for Zooey Deschanel, which did color my perception a bit, but regardless, Summer can be summed up as your archetypal one-dimensional MPDG, who seemingly comes from nowhere, has a (to some degree) troubled background, which has made her the “endearing” eccentric that she is today.  Like Tom, I don’t care about her, I kind of find her annoying, and I think she needs to grow up, which she does, in the most sell-out fashion possible.  Maybe I’m just getting old with that last statement, but I don’t care.  Now get off my lawn and stop driving so dang fast.

I suppose Summer achieves its goal of being an anti-love story because while Tom gets with Summer for a bulk of the film, she is only a catalyst for his romantic (as well as professional) life.  For if it weren’t for Summer, Tom never would «SPOILER ALERT» have met Autumn.  Yes, the movie ends with Tom meeting a girl named Autumn, after his season with Summer.  Say what you will about most modern “family”/Christian movies having hokey endings and messages, but dear Lord, this is the critic’s darling of indie film 2009 and it most assuredly takes the cake when it comes to terrible conclusions.  It’s like they stopped caring, or they were daring the audience to not like the end (if they were, I’ll call their bluff, because I hated it).  I was so disgusted by the final scene that when I found out Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in Inception, I almost refused to see it because I thought for sure the ending would somehow end with Leo DiCaprio waking up in a sleep apnea clinic or something similarly lame. 

All in all I did learn some valuable lessons from (500) Days of Summer, primarily that in conjunction with Lady Gaga, western culture is doomed.  Additionally, I figured out that for half of what it cost to make this film, I could have made something far superior in every aspect.  And without the aural insult of a Hall & Oates songs. 

As a final thought, if you want to see a neurotic man pine after some girl, do yourself a favor and check out Annie Hall or High Fidelity instead.